Currently.

     Sorry I haven't been here in a while. I haven't nececarrily been busy, just lazy and didn't really have anything to talk about.
     I have re-watched all of modern Doctor Who, and caught up to the current spot. Now I'm just waiting for the christmas special. Like normal people. "Is this how time normally passes? Really slowly, and in the right order?"- The Doctor (Vincent and the Doctor)
     I have also caught up on The Walking Dead. But I really have no comments on it at the moment.
     So I just got back to my dorm after my Thanksgiving break, and it turns out that my family is financially unable to continue paying for me to live at school. So I have to transfer to a different campus and move back home. I will have to live in my damn house again, and get the shitty left over classes on main campus. So this christmas break I will go home, and not come back.
     I don't want to live at home. I've become too used to living away and on my own. It pisses me off that there are some people who have huge loans because their parents are divorced, and they make minium wage or they are on food stamps. When my parents have been together for 20+ years and both work full time, and make too much money for me to get the loans I need to live at school, but not enough money for them to be able to pay for it comfortably. How is that fair? God I hate everything at the moment. I really just want to sleep forever.
     I don't even want to go to school anymore. And to top it all off my damn adviser is out of town, and she can't help me with the transfer documents and my classes until next week. What kind of bullshit is that? I have to leave, and she is on an extended vacation? Seriously?! 
     Whatever, I hate life at the moment. I'm going to go paint and mope about it now.
-M

Rehersal, Rehersal, Rehersal, and Rehersal.

     So I'm sorry to those of you who have noticed my absence. I was actually busy...and not with 'nothing' or watching Doctor Who either.
     You see, my closest friend on campus got stuck in New York due to Sandy, and was stuck there for a good week. So she sent me a text, the weekend of the actual hurricane, once she realized she wasn't going to make it back soon, asking me to do her a favor.
     She is in a theater class here, and she was on the tech team for the fall play. She was due to be the sound board operator. But since she was in New York, and she knew I had previously 'worked in theater' aka backstage and pathetic lighting for a show, she knew to ask me. So naturally I said yes.
     Originally thinking that I would be there for a rehearsal or two, and then teach her when she got back. Not the idea at all. I therefore learned the entire show and all it's sound cues and how to mix them and fade them where they needed to be faded.
     So I quickly realized that she wasn't coming back any time soon, and that I would have to operate the board for  all rehearsals and all four runs of the show. So I came to terms with actually taking it seriously, and started working with the sound designer. [Who is currently my favorite person in the world...he's too funny] anyway, she came back two days ago and tomorrow is the first night of the show. So there is no use in me teaching her something I nearly have perfected myself in two nights. That's just stupid. So therefore I am sound board operator.
     I don't hate it, it's fun, and a bit stressful, but the atmosphere can be a bit miserable at times. You know, actors and such. But over all the only thing that has me mildly annoyed is the times. So I started this last Wednesday. I went at 5pm, and didn't get out of there until midnight. Then Thursday, 5-2:30am, this began to form a pattern. Then Saturday came around, and I had to be there at noon. Noon to midnight. Running the same 40 sounds over and over again. This pattern only developed more as I would get out of there at around 1:30-2am for the next three nights. the earliest we have ever gotten out of there was 11:30, from a 4 o'clock  crew call. So for the past seven days, I have been in that theater, running 50's  music [awesome stuff] and car door sounds, for roughly eight [on average] each night....
     Therefore, no time to do really anything. Epically blog. but we got out at midnight tonight, so I figured I'd post my excuse.
     I'm just letting you know that I will not have normal postings until probably the end of November, once I get everything straightened out. 
     Allons-y
-M

Sandy.

This is a nightmare.
     I live in central PA, so Sandy wasn't horrible here...but that also means that I am out of the news loop. So this morning I saw a few statuses, about one of my favorite places in the world. Seaside Heights. [yes the spot where 'Jersey Shore' was filmed], I have grown up going there. Every summer.
     My grandmother lives 20 minutes away, [inland and up hill-so she is fine (-) power] I have gone there every summer, and multiple times a year since I was born. There is not a summer I can remember when we did not go to Seaside, at least for the evening.
The beach and the boardwalk is what drew us in every year. I have sooo many memories of this beautiful [yet continuously growing dirtier] little mile wide island.
     This morning however, I saw the photos. I haven't stopped crying since I recognized a spot-of no specific significance, that is now debris and water. My heart is aching, just thinking about the damage. It is gone. And I don't mean underwater, I mean gone. The boardwalk has been torn away, and the rides have collapsed. The beach is underwater, and pieces of shops now float in the tide.
This place has such a huge place in my heart, that I'm not sure what to do now. All I can do is cry.
-M

Hurricanes, Classes, Milk, and Mediums.

     So Hurricane Sandy is upon us. She is said to be fierce, and everyone is taking precaution. Not sure why since we are in CENTRAL Pennsylvania....landlocked. Although it is raining and windy as all hell here. I love this weather, but a lot of people are in a panic. People buying as much as they can from the cafeteria before it closes...locking themselves in their rooms, etc.  Although I did go and buy milk for my roommates cereal...
     Our classes have been canceled! This never happens. And when Penn State closes main shit is going down. This is how you know it is serious. End of the world they say...
     Although, I can't judge so much, I did go to get milk [as mentioned earlier], AND i saw my future husband there!!! If you are just now joining me, there is a guy on campus, who has the same last name as me, and he is so funny. I've only spoken to him a few times, but I have him on facebook.     Anyway, I see him all the time. And today, I went to port [our cafeteria], and grabbed a little gallon looking thing of milk, and walked around. 1. I didn't even get dressed, was in my sweatshirt and my pj pants..[which are exercise capris since I haven't done laundry in a while], and this over-sized rain boots that didn't even go up to my pants, no make up on [like i ever wear it...] and my hair a mess. I saw him there, and I walked past, and he looked at me, looked away, turned back and smiled. Haha. Success. [It's only cause of our shared last name, but I'm going to tell myself otherwise...] he knows who I am! win. [side note: this is awesome, since last night I was rather upset, and thinking about the lies and broken promises from my last relationship...so this was the upper I needed.]
     And finally mediums. My roommates and I love to watch 'Long Island Medium', and today my roommate and I were talking, and we eventually decided that we wanted to talk to her. [Theresa Caputo that is], so I found her website, and submitted a private reading request! Super excited!!!
That is all for now, I'm sure there will be more, since I am in my room now until Wednesday night....[no classes!]- also chinese food is awesome during such weather!
      Allons-y
-M

Power outages, Theft, Sleepless nights and Paranoia.

What a whirlwind of a night. Honestly it couldn't have gotten any crazier.
     First off, at around 6:54pm, the power on the entire campus went out. Not only did it go out, but it was out for a good seven hours.
I had just walked outside into my building's courtyard and the whole building went black. It took me a moment to process...but as soon as I heard the screams from people in the rooms with open windows I knew; black out.  I then looked out onto the feild and every sidewalk light, window, and field light was black. The whole campus. Late classes got canceled, my extra credit lecture was canceled. And everyone was in a weird state of panic/enjoyment.
     I return from my canceled lecture and work my way around my room for any light source I had. Glow sticks, fake candles,  my computer, and eventually my flashlight. And me, one of my three roommates, and two other friends were all in one room together. We decided to walk to McDonald's since our cafeteria had closed in a panic, and the microwaves didn't work. Once returned, we sat in the dark doing just about nothing. A shower in the dark later, my roommate came home at around 1am.
     She walked into our room, came back into the neighboring one, and asked us where her computer was. By this point, we had both noticed that her and the 3rd roommate [who had both left together] computers were gone. We had figured that they took them with them to their friend's house when they left. After she asked us, and both parties realized that it wasn't a joke, we realized that both Apple, mac book pro, laptops had been stolen. The only things missing in the whole suite were those computers. Mine, and the one roommate who was here's weren't touched. Granted they are gateways and acers...so not as much money in them as anything apple.
     So we reported the theft and, had to talk to the police. [If you remember, power is still out, and we only had the back up generator's hallway lights...] So the four of us spoke to two different cops, who lectured us on locking the doors, and took our drivers license information, and told us that there was a slim chance of getting the computers back. After these lovely visits, the power came back on, at 2:30am.
     Once the police left, and we were all back in our now well lit rooms, we sat up talking for a good two hours. No one wanted to go to sleep, because we were all a little on edge. I became jumpy, and I am never jumpy. ever. So after locking every door we walked past in our suite, we laid in the dark, in panic. I felt myself drift, and as soon as I did, I felt vulnerable, so my eyes would fly open, and stare at the door. This happened about every 10 minutes, all night. This morning, around 9ish, I woke up from one of my longer drifts, and my roommate was awake, and neither of us could fall back asleep.   We eventually left the room for food, and now we are taking turns napping. So right now, I am letting her sleep, while I stay up, just  for a comfort I guess.
     The fact that there was someone in my room, that I didn't know about, scares me to death. That is my biggest fear...when someone is there, and you don't know about it...the whole they can see you but you can't see them in the shadows thing...horrifying. I can handle zombies, ghosts, vampires, csi, criminal minds, you name it. But as soon as it is someone who is stalking, or lurking, I get the chills and my heart leaps into my throat. Even the area of the room where the laptop was taken from, makes me uncomfortable.
     So now, I watch at everyone, I was finally feeling comfortable in my suite, and feeling safe, and this happens.
'Trust no one.'-last night's cop. Fear the living. [Walking dead reference]- sleep is a foreign concept at the moment. I hope I get some tonight, if possible. Probably won't happen though.
     I would say Allons-y, but not in the mood...that's too happy to stamp.
-M

Tea, Thoughts, Dress-up and Tears.

     Here I am, supposed to be asleep for the energy I'll need for all four of my classes tomorrow which all start out early, and I have a need to blog.
     Well actually, I was in bed, for about an hour now, trying to fall asleep. Trying every trick in the book, finding a soft song to sing in my head, counting down to 1 from 100 while relaxing every muscle I know of. Everything. Instead I fond myself prattling on to myself, repeating terms you can only find in Doctor Who. All of course with a British accent, and even a Scottish or Irish depending on who say what in the series. I have issues.
     I think the reason I am so awake is due to the green tea I had earlier. I've found that tea effects me more than coffee does when it comes to caffeine. I can drink three cups of coffee in one day and sleep like a baby. But one cup of any tea [although only experienced with cold tea: sweet, iced, green etc] and I'm up all night. Granted a rather dumb move on my part even buying the damn tea. I also think I may have some sort of acid reflex issue. Because nearly every night, as I lay down my throat begins to burn as if something was trying to make its way up my esophagus. [WHOA I spelt that right on the first go! Ace!]
     I have also decided that I am going to dress up as a hippie this Halloween, for the safe trick or treat we have on campus. Where clubs dress up and hand out goodies to local kids. I figure, I'm a poor college kid, and I already have everything in the makings of a hippie, long skirts, beads, headbands, you name it, so why not? It'll be fun.
     Now for a gloomier topic: one of my best friend's grandmother died this morning. [When I say this morning I mean 10/22/12] I don't know how to console her, I can only be on the phone, since she is so far off. I feel as if she is stuck, in a shock of sorts, but I'll be here whenever she returns. She has her family with her, and they sense her distress, I just wish that I could be there for her. I feel the ever growing need to hug her. The sadder she grows, the more I miss her. I can feel her confusion, and sadness from here...I'm not saying I know what she's going through. Because I don't, I have lost a grandparent, and he was  my best friend. But I was only six, and all I have are the distant memories and stories others have told me. But she was close with her grandmother her whole life. I think about my grandma, and feel sick. I can't even begin to imagine what it is like to lose someone after such a long time with them.
     So if anyone is reading this right now, please keep my beautiful, strong, friend Micaela in your thoughts, prayers, hearts,  or where ever else you can think of. I would be so lost without her in my life, she deserves a bit of peace.
[http://epitomeofsnark.blogspot.com/2012/10/enjoy-ride.html]
     Allons-y
-M

Current Thoughts...[read in British]

      After watching more and more of Doctor Who, I have noticed all of the 'seasonal plot' hints in each episode. I am now keeping track on sticky notes, while also keeping note of my favorite quotes...needless to say my desk is covered with bright green sticky notes with scribble even I may have trouble understanding.
     I have also deciphered that if I were ever [theoretically] to become the doctor's companion, I would never stop laughing, because all of his stupid puns are just too damn funny. That and British humor never lets me down. 
     I am also falling in love with David Tennant more and more...although I did not originally believe it possible.
     I have also decided to read more Shakespeare...for his words are beautiful. He is my favorite wordsmith...right after J.K.Rowling.
     -PS. As I typed this entire thing, my head voice was in a British accent...so therefore I urge you to read it in such.
happy readings.
      Allons-y
-M

Quick entry. [DW kind of spoilers...]

     I am re-watching the revived Doctor Who series. Today I started half way through season two and I have caught up to the second to last episode. I am crying already. I haven't even started the season finally and I'm crying. The last episode of the second season broke my heart into a million tiny shards, as if it were glass. Just the thought of going through that again hurts. So I have stopped myself for now. It is nearly 8:30 and that means I have to get ready and get a spot out in the lobby for the second episode of The Walking Dead. I am so pumped for it.
Just thought I'd let someone know.
     Allons-y
-M

Sleep, Math, Musicals and Motivation or lack of the latter.

     So haven't blogged in a few days, mainly because I was sleeping off my depression. Generally what happens when I am more depressed than normal [on any given day] is cry some [if my medication allows it] and sleep. I sleep to get away from having to manage through the day. I know it sounds unhealthy, and it probably is, but this is how I cope. I sleep, and then I watch Doctor Who.
     On Thursday I got my second miserable math test back, and the teacher told me that the best thing I can do is drop the class, because I'm failing so miserably. I pretty much saw this coming, and know it's the best thing to do for my records and such. The thing that upset me the most was having to tell my mother.
     My mother and I are really very close, she is the person I turn to with everything. I tell her everything, and I miss her more everyday. I go to her with bad things in my life, and she knows nearly everything. I would be happy just spending the day with her, she is really on the top of my list of favorite people. To a point where I feel sorry for people who don't have a great relationship with their mothers. It makes me sad that others don't have what I do with her.
     But disappointing her has always been my biggest fear, my one reason to feel sick. So naturally when I was told that dropping the class was the best thing I can do I cried. I talked to my friend and she calmed me down a bit, and then I had to call my mother. This is equivalent to the death sentence.
     I found a dark, far off spot on campus and called her. I told her I had to drop it, but she was in one of her classes. So she called me back about an hour later. As soon as I answered the phone she started screaming and cruising at me saying how mad she was at me for the grades in that class. She was crying and seething, and bitching about how I don't do anything else so how could I possibly not be getting good grades?! [I think she was so pissed at me because when she was my age, her cousin got to go away to college, didn't' graduate, and after four years, only had about nine credits, when my mother wanted to go away, but couldn't. She tends to let things like this out one me, like if I ever snap at my sister she bitches about her older sister, how she bullied her her whole life...but she doesn't get that I'm not her sister, and I'm not her cousin] She then told me that she was so mad that she couldn't even talk to me anymore and gave the phone to my father. Who in turn started patronizing me.            Asking what I have been doing, and why I never got help and why I never told them about the first bad graded test. I wanted to tell them that 'I'm supposed to be the smart one, do you realize how mortifying it is to have to call you and tell you I failed a math test? I'm supposed to be good at this stuff!" But I didn't. He then told me that I should have gone to a tutor [which I tried to, but they were booked until after the second test.] and he told me to work with others in my class [which I did] and in the background my mother asked if I was even going to class [which I am, why she would even assume that I don't know... about the girl who has always been too afraid of her mother to skip a class in her life] I told them how I studied and did reviews over and over and still messed up the test. They then bring up other grades I have, [which are nothing compared to this...a bad grade in my house is a B- or even an A-, because "it's not an A"]
     They then start bitching at me that I don't do anything besides go to school, and how I have to get a job now to pay for the class I'm dropping...Whatever. At this point in the conversation I've been sobbing and trying to respond, [which he got pissed at me because he couldn't understand me while I cried...]
     So after this oh so lovely phone call, I walked back into my room, and went to bed. At 9pm. When my normal sleep schedual ie around 12. I cried myself to sleep, hating myself for being stupid and worthless to my parents. [Talks like those generally make me want to die...] I then didn't wake up until 12pm the next day-15 hours later. This day was now Friday, and I only have one class then, so I forced myself to get up and get dressed. I eventually made my way to this class, and sat through it, taking the notes I needed to take, and zoned in and out the entire hour. After which, I went straight back to my room, and got on the computer. I was feeling so miserable I didn't know what to do. [I am also dangerously low on my anti-depressants] I wanted to sleep, but something lead me to Netflix.  Which then lead me to my beloved Doctor Who. I sat at my desk for the next ten or so hours and watched the first/part of the second seasons of my show. [I was alone in my entire suite, since my roommate has better things to do than be with me, which doesn't bother me. No headphones needed!]
     So I sat there and watched the whole season and then some, laughing at the good parts and crying at the sad, and catching my breath at the parts I was excited for. I watched it until 4am. I then decided that it was too late to start a new episode and that I really should go to sleep like a normal human being.
     Next thing I know, I wake up, look at the clock and it says '3:07pm'. Holy Shit, I slept for 11 hours...another long therapeutic sleep session. I didn't let it bother me that the majority of the day was over, which is generally why I sleep so much anyway, to escape the length of the day. I got up, showered and got back on the computer. I decided today that I would catch up on my 'StarKid' shows on youtube. [for those of you who don't know starkid: look them up. They put on musicals which are hysterical. 'A Very Potter Musical', 'Me and My Dick', 'A Very Potter Sequel', 'Starship' and 'Holy Musical B@tman' all of equal excellence.] So I caught up on those and and before I knew it it was 8pm. And I haven't spoken to a single human today. Which isn't always a bad thing. So I decided to share with my beautiful readers my pain, and hermitness .So here I am, blogging about my wonky sleep habits, depression and parental issues. And of course what makes me feel better, Doctor Who and StarKid.  
     At this point, I'm not sure what I want. I am planning on watching DW again tonight as soon as I publish this. But I mean in the future. Part of me wants to drop out of school since I feel so unfit for it. But I know that by the reaction I got the other night about a meager math class, I know my parents would disown me if I ever even considered dropping out. Part of me wants to crawl up into my bed and never get back out. And the tiniest sliver of me wants to prove them wrong, and force my grades up...but when I think about that, I feel tired and revert back to my bed. I know I can do it, eventually, but at the moment, I have no motivation, no push, no drive, to do anything. Not even eat. Only watch tv and sleep. So here I go, off to DW world, to feel better, if only for a few hours.
     Goodnight my lovely readers,
     Allons-y
-M

Marriage, Medication, Accents, and Comments.

Hello again,
     Today I was waiting in like in the cafeteria on campus for a sandwich, and the girl who was making it, was talking to her coworker as in between asking me what I wanted on it. She was talking about how her and her boyfriend are getting married. Which in my opinion, if you've been with them long enough to know that you want to spend the rest of your life with this someone, and you love and trust them with every fiber for your whole being, then by all means, marry them. But if you don't, what are you thinking?! And as usual, I am in no place to judge her, except when she started talking about why. She was telling her friend that they are getting married because she is spending too much money on school, to not be married to him. That when they get married, they look at the combined low income, they will give you more money in student loans. WHAT?! You are getting married to get money from FASFA?! You're kidding? nope. And then to make matters worse, she said that they had discussed this when they had fisrt started dating! Who in their right minds stays with someone after hearing that they want to marry you for student loans on the first date? Okay, first of all, why are you talking about this at work? People like me will overhear you, judge you, and then blog about it. Then secondly, if you are going to marry a working guy, with a real job, then they will look at your income as higher than before, and give you less money. Let's think that one through again shall we? And lastly, this is no reason to get married in college!!!
     Wow, okay, calm now...on to medication! So I am sick, and I made the mistake of telling my mother, who made me go to the campus doctor. Which is fine, I don't mind going to the doctor. So I went today between classes, and sat there and answered a million questions because it was my firsst time there, and then sat there and waited for the 'physician's assistant' to come in and talk to me about my symptoms. So basically, after 100 million questions, blood pressure and breathing tests, they told me I had the common cold...gee thanks. I could have told you that. But the weirdest part of the whole thing, was that the 'doctor' was more interested in my hair color and my earrings...talking about how her baby has my red hair, but both her and her husband have dark hair, [which is the same situation for me] and she asked me where it came from then, and then asked me where I got my earring, because she liked it, and she just cut her hair short and wanted a fake one, because she didn't want to pierce the cartilage, blah blah blah...oh and here's some medication for your cold that might be a sinus infection, because I want to see how your body just fights this off...that will be $48. WHAT?! really...I knew I should have just stayed home. Damn college [not actually a doctor] doctor!
     Bah! so onto...accents. In my education class this morning, we were talking about dialects and accents in America. We were talking about what people around here say funny, I was the first to comment. 'They leave out the 'to be' in phrases...like needs to be washed turns into 'needs washed'' which is stupid, ENGLISH people! Damn. We went on to slang, and accents, and we watched a video. In said video they said that when asking people in the PA-MI area where the accents sound least educated, they always say 'the south' and 'New York' and that people there 'don't have accents'...hahaha says the 'needs washed' people. So naturally I told my friend from NY, and she agrees that anyone not from New York is just jealous. And honestly, PA does have an accent, multiple in fact, and they are all bizarre.
     And at last, comments. In my biology lecture, we are given questions, which we answer with a sort of clicker that gives you letter options. In one of the questions, there were two of the same options, so it was the luck of the draw who picked which one he noticed first. But someone up front pointed it out, if they hadn't I would have. I have no problem with calling the teacher out. But then there was a question worded so poorly, that it had to be a trick question. When the teacher reviled the 'correct' answer, and that it wasn't a trick question, I raised my hand immediately to point it out, but my NY friend who also happens to be my lab partner/lecture buddy, grabbed my hand and put it down. "Just leave it" She said. Which is funny, because she knew exactly what I was going to bitch about, and now that I think about it, I have had a friend in nearly every other class where, when I caught something to call the teacher out, they told me to leave it, and about half of them said nothing, and just lowered my hand for me. Funny, how predictable I can get. That is all tonight my friends.

     Allons-y
-M 

Math, Dreams, Friends, and Suggestions.

Hello everyone...anyone.
     I haven't posted in a while, and to the maybe possible regular readers, I'm sorry. I've been caught up in a rush of total nothingness, and was just too lazy to blog about really nothing at all...hmm maybe that should have been my blog title. 'Nothing at all'...anyway.
Let us talk about.....math.
     Dear lord or whatever other entity there is out there[FSM], do I hate math. I can't take it anymore. I just spent about five hours just staring at my notes, and whining at my book. I used to love it, honestly I did, but now I can't even finish half the homework. My math professor sounds like Kermit the Frog. Just had to put that out there. And he speeds though everything, even when people ask him to repeat an explanation, zoom! and it's over. -_- I also think that he is making everything up as he goes along, and we just write it down because he goes so fast, and then when I look at the notes from lecture to try to muddle my way through the homework things magically go missing. I will dissect a problem piece by piece, and something just disappears half way through...but I copy the board, and my friend in that class says the same thing...I think it's all lies.
     Okay, dream time. Seriously what the fuck is going on with my head? I had a sex dream last night, and not just any sex dream, I was sleeping with Eminem. Really?! I haven't even listened to him in ages. I don't get my damn brain sometimes. Not that I don't like him, he's a total bad ass, and I love him, but not like that..And then other dreams are about school, but I'll be on my way to class and I forget something and I know I did, and I just keep going. And the dream changes...?! Or my favorite![sarcasm] is when I dream about conversing with my roommate about nothing in particular. Really? I'll take the sex dream please! 
[Speaking of my roommate, I've realized that she only likes me when someone better isn't around. And when I say someone better, I mean when no one else is around! Along with my other roommates, I'm pretty sure they are all judging me, in their heads. Except one, we'll call her Anne. [not her real name]  I don't think she judges me, because I am the only one who never gave her any grief about dating a guy who is way older than her. Because honestly, after 18-20ish, age is just a number.]
  I have however found a friend. [who is a 23 year old freshman...speaking of the age thing^^]  A real, talk to about anything, can have fun shopping/talking/and even just doing laundry with friend. And what makes it 100  times better, she's a Potterhead. [yes computer Potterhead is a term, no red squiggly please] Just as much as I am. It's great to finally be able to talk to someone about it, [whom I haven't already] and just rant about it like such fangirls should. We honestly have full blown ,heated [in the good way] Harry Potter/JKR* conversations over dinner...we get a lot of  funny looks. But it's worth it. Not only is she a Potterhead, but she is from New York. She understands what it's like to miss little things like foods, and tap water. Sound too good to be true? That's because it is, she is transferring to another Penn State campus, to be closer to home, by the end of this semester. That's okay though, I'm used to it. People leaving, that is. I always pick the friend who is going to leave, never in a negative 'they hate me' kind of way [although I have had my fair share of those as well], but in the 'every close friend I have had is in a different state or time zone' kind of way. I've become numb to the loss.
     And finally Suggestions...if anyone is actually reading any of these and has a topic they would like to hear me rant about, hit me up with a comment. I am having trouble [at the moment**] with coming up with witty topics...I'm sure none of you want to hear about the campus ducks or Doctor Who [so soon] again...although there will be more DW in the future...sorry. But seriously, comment with just a topic, or a story, and I will rant about it as an entire topic. Just for you. Haha, I feel like a celebrity, except I'm not and not a lot of people read this...hmm I've said that a lot this post. Dear readers, I'm sorry. You are amazing, and I love you. Very much, because you care enough to at least view my page! You Rock!
      Allons-y
-M
* I am now taking back what I said about 'The Casual Vacancy' by J.K.Rowling, it is slightly raunchy, and I have a feeling it is only going to become more so. With that said, still an amazing book. 
**I forgot to rant about the season premier of 'The Walking Dead'! I have sooo many comments I would like to make, but I'll wait until tomorrow, since I have early class tomorrow, and I will be up til dawn talking about the beloved zombie infested show. So therefore, it will get it's own post.

Pop quiz!

     If you see someone walking towards you, and you know you are blocking the way, and they say 'excuse me', what do you do?
a.Stand there like an idiot
b.move over so they can pass
c.Bitch about it as they pass you, and bump you with their backpack as they try to get by
d. a and c
     If you picked a, c, or d, you are an asshole.
Seriously what the fuck? First of all you are standing in the middle of the way, move over. And secondly You saw me! and I said excuse me and you DIDN'T move...this is your fault.
     You didn't move, I kept walking, my backpack bumped you, your friend says to you "You'd better tell her to watch where she's fucking going"- I WILL snap back at you. I can hear you. Dipshit.
     Somebody please give me a sign that says 'do not fuck with'.
Say it again, like I'm less of a person than you are, because I'm white. Please, I dare you. You are just like the rest of them here. -[ I am the kind of person who doesn't give a rat's ass about what you look like, what skin color you are, how old you are etc...we are all human, so don't treat me like I'm a lesser being because you think you are better than me.](I'm a little miffed.)
That's all for now I suppose, moral of the story; don't be an ass, and learn the definition of 'Excuse Me'
-M

Who, Rose, Change and Ducks. [warning spoilers]

WARNING: DOCTOR WHO SPOILERS...[if you aren't caught up to the current season DO NOT READ...and don't spoil anything for me or so help me god...]
Enjoy. =]
     So I have been felling really down today, and I was just sitting around, messing with my phone. I decided to change the backgrounds, and I scrolled through old pictures and me being the geek that I am, most of the pictures consist of Harry Potter and Doctor Who reference pictures. The Doctor Who ones made me incredibly sad. I have realized why I don't feel so stellar, I'm Who deprived. I haven't seen Who in a while. Granted I watched two of the new episodes while I was home for my mother's birthday, but seriously, that's not enough. I miss it. The Doctor is like a friend, and I haven't seen him in a really long time. I have enough people whom I miss in my life, and the Doctor should not be one of them. The current season is being recorded at my house thanks to my lovely mother. I can't wait til Thanksgiving when I can lock myself in the room with the big screen and watch all of them.
     Also, I believe that part of my Who induced sadness is due to the change of the show. I started watching it with #9, [the 1st episode of the revived series- for those who don't speak Whovianese], and over the course of the two doctors I have fallen in love with the series...this is harder to explain than I originally thought it would be. To the Whovians reading this, I miss 10 and Rose, my heart aches without them on the show. To the Non-Whovians, I miss the 10th Doctor and his first companion. They loved each other so honestly that the fact that neither of them are on the show kills me. The Doctor character stays the same, it's just a different actor each time he 'regenerates' instead of dieing...long story.-#10 was played by the wonderful, beautiful, sexy, David Tennent. Whom I love very dearly, and his companion was Rose, who was played by Billie Piper, also love her. I miss her, just as much as I miss 10. [Doomsday was the saddest episode of any show I've seen-after Lost...and only a few of those episodes can compare (and there were plenty of heart-shattering episodes)] And after Tennant was off the show it was never the same.
     Don't get me wrong, the show is still amazing, and I love Matt Smith as 11, but the whole plot, story, feel,of the show has changed. Partly due to the new head writer of the show, and partly due to the fact that this is the first season that has cut itself off from the past ones, it NEVER mentions anyone from the past seasons, and it's almost like it's a show of it's own, when it was the build up to now that made it what it is...I miss the old feel of it.
     The beginning was about the adventure, and the Doctor's relationship/need for the companion at the time...who each gave him something different...and now it is about the marriage of the two companions who are with 11, and his relationship with the most annoying fucking character in the history of Who, his 'wife' or so she claims to be, who I believe he doesn't actually love, while she forces herself onto him...again making me miss Rose. 11 doesn't seem interested in this woman, and he becomes the background character to the married companions...who [due to spoilers-thanks a lot -_-] I know are leaving soon...which yes, I do think will be sad, but it's time. Which is the first time I've ever said that...[besides Martha, I hated Martha.] The other companions, I felt had very sad departures [besides Martha, I hated Martha.], I feel like the writers have played out theses companions way to far...too much relationship drama, that the Doctor ultimately fixes at the end of every problematic episode...[SMH], this is not couples therapy, there are plenty of other people who could bring something to the Doctor, and who would LOVE to travel with him...[me].
      So honestly, time to move on, but if the new companion is anything like Martha, or what the 'leaks' are saying she is like, I will be massively pissed. I also think it is HIGH TIME the fucking Doctor says something about any of his old companions [besides Martha, I hated Martha] damnit, they created the way you look at things, at least mention them...[yes I know- some of you are yelling at me because we did have a (tiny) glimpse of Rose in 'Let's kill Hitler'...I want more.][And others are getting pissed at me because they hated the way 10 always mentioned Rose-but he loved her, bite me]
     And Ducks, there are so many on campus, and the way the play with each other, run across the sidewalk, try to beat you to the spot you are walking to, and the way you can hear them all the way across camps makes me incredibly happy, and I'm not entirely sure why. That is all.
     Allons-y
 -M

The Beatles, Fall, Novels and Chucks.

     So this morning, there was a 9 am (for fun) lecture on the Beatles. So naturally I set my alarm, and hauled myself out of bed at 8:00 am, downed some coffee, and shuffled across campus to the building it was in.
     I was in fact the first person there, and later realized that it was 'generally' for alumni, since it is out homecoming weekend...So I was the only young person in there for a while. After the crowed filtered in, there were about two other kids around my age...with their parents there. I was the only person who went alone.  Not that that bothered me. - So the lecture began, and the man giving the talk was so excited about the Beatles it was fun. I learned about the evolution of my favorite band of all time, and how they came up with specific sounds, or  sound progressions. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I know music in and out, but I don know the Beatles, and their songs. I can name just about 100+ of the Beatles' songs by the first few chords...[Go ahead, judge but I love them].
     After this lecture, I was dead tired [yes even with two cups of coffee pulsing through my system] so I slowly made my way back to my room in the 52 degrees of Pennsylvania's fall.
[See that transition...I'm so slick]
     So it's been getting colder here, as it should. As we move onto the middle of October, the weather plummets, we are in central PA, that's what happens. I don't mind it, in fact I love sweatshirt and jeans weather. It's my favorite. I love the slight chill, the rain [I LOVE the rain], and the fact that I don't have to wear skanky clothes just to fit in...not that I ever did. I love that we are all bundled up, because this is the time of the year everyone breaks out the uggs, and the hoodies. The only fashion is comfort. Which is me, 100% of the time, and now I look cool.
     The best part of the colder weather, means I can stay inside and not look like a hermit. I can curl up with a novel, and be normal...[not in my dorm but to the rest of the world-yes]. And my current novel is 'The Casual Vacancy' by THE J.K.Rowling. Yes, I am reading it because it's her, she is a genius, and created an entire world where I yearned to go my entire childhood...and today as well.
[Haters gon hate] But to those of you who have been wanting to read it, do it. I haven't gotten too far, but so far so good. It is very different from Harry Potter, and no I'm not saying that cause there is no magic school or wizards, it is a much more mature book, and it is much more of a 'long' read. The way she words things is beautiful, but you really have to pay attention. And no it's not a raunchy adult book like 'Grey'*. Also another awesome book, is 'Perks of being a wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. Yes, I did read it because the movie is coming out. But I have also wanted to read it for a while now, and never had the chance to. I am a big believer in 'book first then movie', and a good friend of mine said it was wonderful, so I bought it off of her word. And she was right, quick read, but powerful. Parts hit right where it hurts, and its a great 'coming of age' story, for a kid that most people would look right past. Look into it.
     And finally Chucks. I can't remember if I have mentioned it or not, but I have recently acquired a beautiful pair of red, high top, Chuck Taylor's. And I am absolutely in.love. with them. They give me such a false air of swagger. It's amazing. I am wearing them for the rest of my life...and that's a fact. I will probably get married in them...underneath my stunning green senior prom dress** which I am also in love with. Won't that be a scene? Green dress with Red chucks.- but that's just me.
   Allons-y
-M 
* I can not vouch for the fact that 'The Casual Vacancy' is not raunchy in any way since I am only just getting started. 
**here is a picture of my dress...and the chucks are pretty well known...just use your imagination. p.s. that's MY Mici. <3

I just don't fit in.

     So I have three roommates, and we all get along well enough. We always have friends in the rooms and so on, so it's always the place to me. I just don't feel like I fit in much.
     One of my roommates is black, and she has her two black friends, and the other two are boy and drinking crazy, where as I would much rather read a good book.
     It's funny because they think they are so mature, and almost superior, when I know for a fact that they haven't been through half of what I have been. They are the sheltered ones, not me.
     My black roommate-let's call her 'S' keeps insisting that she's ghetto, and from the hood, when really she's from Harrisburg, the good part.
     Every time we have a conversation I'm the outcast, and I voice my opinions because I am me, and that's what I do. So every time I do, they make me feel inferior. Up until now I've kept my mouht closed because I didn't want to create tention within the rooms. But tonight I had just had it. It wasn't even the topic, becasue sometimes- most of the time it's about a black movie I've never seen adn 'everyone knows that movie' or some shitty rapper I'd never heard of. Or even partying in high school, when I was the geek in school.
     Tonight we were talking about Jersey Shore, and I had made a comment about how many suitcases there were. and they retorted with "They are there for three months"
and I threw back "They're obsessed with laundry, wash the damn clothes, I only pack one suitcase for a month!"
     Then 'S'started on that, and how I was crazy, and how people want to look good, and wear something different each say they are on vacation, and "how everyone is different"
     And I lost it, I got so pissed because since I've been here they have been riding me about how I wasn't like they're shallow asses. and I turn to her and snap "exactly, everyone is different, I'm different" And I turned back to the tv, and stayed quite. While the three black girls looked at eachother adn then burst out laughing. the other girls in the room asked what was going on and and one explained that I had an attitude because 'S' said everyone was different and how I over reacted.      And I got up and left the room, because I could feel the tears coming, and, as soon as I got up they started laughing again. And as I sit here in the other room I could hear them all talking about it, and retelling something as if it happened ages ago, and I wasn't there!
     I really miss my best friends, and my mom.
(this post doesn't deserve my Doctor Who inspired catch phrase.)
-M

Time Travel, Magic, Hope and Babies.

     My children will grow up in a home full of fantasy and wonder. Honestly, I will have things all throughout my house that relate back to classic stories, such as the Narnia series, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Lord of the Rings, and of course anything Disney. But all those that are books, they will have to read, I won't force anything of course, but I will be a heavy persuasion.
     There is a quote that I always see at Barnes and Noble [I'm in there a lot] that says 'Reading is to the mind as exercise is to the body'-Anonymous, and I absolutely love that. I grew up in a house that had endless books [for someone who was just starting to enjoy reading]. My mother has been a big reader since she can remember, and I hope one day my children will appreciate my 'push' in that direction as much I do my mother's.
     Time travel; I know, I know, Doctor Who is not books, but it is a beautifully geeky show that I hope to raise my children on. It is not just science fiction, which granted it is the majority of the time, but it also shows equality, and how to love more than just your kind. The Doctor refuses to use violence to solve problems, he also promotes love, science and logical reasoning. So I hope my future children get as much out of Doctor Who as I have, and continue to get.
     Magic; Well obviously I am going to have my children read the Harry Potter series. I plan on reading it to them as babies, and eventually letting them read it themselves when they are old enough. Those stories will always be relevant, and everyone gets something different out of them. By the time my hypothetical children will be in school, almost none of their classmates will know of Harry Potter, [my assumption, although Harry will forever be known, I think it won't be as current then] and this idea breaks my heart. Harry Potter has been such a huge part of my life, every movie, every page, every tear. They are all cherished and remembered. I can reread these books and never get tired of them. I hope one day J. K. Rowling's work will have the same effect on my family.
     Hope; What this post is basically about, my hopes for my future children, and the way I raise them. The hope that I will be a good mother, and that they won't hate me. The hope that I find someone who will let me fill our house with TARDIS cabinets, and Harry Potter quotes on the walls. The hope that my children will have the imagination to one day make an influence in the geek world.
     And of course Babies; Well every time I see a baby I think of my children. I know it sounds crazy, but I have seem my kids. In dreams, in vision type ideas, etc. I know, now I just sound bonkers, but really, I want to have them with me. A lot of the time it is one of the only things that makes me feel better when I've had a shit day. Again extra crazy, but it keeps me hopeful.
     Allons-y
-M

Beds, Paper clips, Toilet paper and Sticky notes.

     Okay, so not you typical post, Last night (Friday) was probably the best Friday  night I've had in a really long time.
     So my roommate went home for the weekend, leaving me and my other two suite-mates alone. We were sitting around being lazy, just chatting and I can't remember how it came up but I had said something about raising my roommate's [the one who left] bed up. -back story; she is 5 foot tall and already has trouble getting onto the other (tall) girls beds.-
     So as I said this we just looked at each other for a moment, and then ran into my room. We took the mattress off the bed, and it took us almost 45 minutes to take this bed apart and get it back together on the highest notch. The three of us are a bit klutzy, and I wound up smashing my knuckle, which is now purple by the way. But we eventually got the bed up, and THEN we put it on the risers she had stored in her closet. So now the bed is so high it is difficult for me [5'6"] to get on it.
    So after that whole adventure, we were walking out of my room and my one roommate said "Why the hell does she have so many paperclips?" picking up her huge box of paper clips. So naturally we chained them all together, and draped them around the room with cheetah duct tape. And as we were in that process, someone said "I wish we had extra toilet paper...so we could teepee the room", and of course I did have extra. So we teepeed the paper clip chain, and from one wall to the other all over the ceiling.
     We finished that, with a few good laughs. We then back into their room, to make a sign 'Love and then all of our names' but instead one of them grabbed three packets of sticky notes and threw one to each of us. We then proceeded to write horrible names, and draw some graphic things, and names of people she regretted doing things with all over the sticky notes. We then hung them all over the walls, toilet paper, in her books, in her closet, on her food in the fridge, on the mirror. And finally a poster that says "Are you mad bro" on the wall that she would see as she turns around from the middle of the room. [I have even posted some beautiful pictures for you!]
     So all in all I deem it to be a pretty successful night.
 Allons-y
-M

Class, Travel, Hayrides, and Fan-Fictions.

     Okay well I only have an hour before my first and only class today...and I REALLY don't want to go. I sit there, take the occasional note from the lecture and doodle little TARDIS secnes on my margins. [geek remember?] I would love to skip this oh so boring class, but I can't because that little voice [that sounds an awful lot like my mother's] voice in my head would be yelling at me for the rest of the weekend. So I have to go to Psych. Bleh.
     So my roommate just left for the weekend. She is going home until Sunday, to surprise her best friend. Again I am jealous, do to the fact that I don't have any friends at home let a lone my best friend(s). Although I am NOT jealous that she has to drive a good three hours alone to get there at a certain time. Ha. Nope I am going home tomorrow morning, when my father comes to pick me up! Muahaha. I actually love driving in the car with my father. He is so much fun. Same as my mother, but it's nice with just one of them, and yes without my sister. She is sweet, when she feels like it, but most of the time shes a demon to me, and she wonders why I wanted to move out? As horrible as this is, I miss my dogs more than I miss my little sister. But she brought that upon herself. -Anyway, travel. Some people hate long drives, but I actually love them. Especially when I am going home from- really anywhere, I never actually want the ride to end, and I'm not entirely sure why. But when it comes to flying, you will find me in my seat, headphones on, and crying until I can get off the damn thing. I'm a terrible flyer.
     There are two reasons I am going home. Actually only one. Saturday is my mother's birthday, and I miss her, so I want to be there. There is also a hayride/hotdog roast that night, but it just happened to be on her birthday. So hayride back story? Okay; So my sister went with my father to a bring you child to work day thing, IN MY NAME, because I was signed up but couldn't go because of school. So she went wearing my name tag, and then at the very end, they called MY name as the door prize winner...a hayride for you and 20 of your friends, including hotdogs, smores, and a campfire at the end of the ride...bitch is so damn lucky. I've never won anything in my damn life. Well technically I did, since it was MY name. So in conclusion; hayride.
     And Fan-fictions; For the past week or so I have been writing my own fan-fiction [yes it's harry potter, moving on]. And then a friend of mine whom I've been co-writing a fan fiction with since our sophomore year of high school was online. So we started talking and decided to keep going with the 100+ page story, that is no where near done. So for the past two days I have been writing in my parts after her's and I have actually been having more fun than I could honestly have at a party. Just last night, it was thirsty Thursday, and my roommates were all in the other room boozing it up, and I was writing a collaborative harry potter fan-fiction, while on skype with the other writer...and I am 100% sure I was having more fun then them.
     Yes I have my priorities straight. Thank you.

Allons-y
-M

Stress, Rain, Coffee, and Illness.

Hello again,
Yes this is my second post today, I generally feel better once I finish a post, so here goes nothing.
     Stress; I am doing shitty in my classes. Like worse than senior 'I don't care I'm a senior' year bad. I have taken a total of three tests. In Psych 100, Bio 110, and Math 21. Psych I got a D, Math I actually failed, big fat F, and I took my Bio test today and now I'm horrified. I wish that the teachers went over things more than once before the tests...we have other classes you know. I know I know 'you're in college now blah blah blah' but seriously? I JUST got out of sissy high school, they went over one topic for a week, we were allowed calculators- in fact they were pissed when you forgot your calculator, and well no I actually did just as shitty in psych in high school...
This is not the transition I thought freshman year was going to be like. I'm eating too much, so much I'm pretty sure I've already gained my freshman 15, my classes are already below average, and this boy likes me to the point where it's awkward because I don't like him. I am running low on money, and need to find a job for next semester, if I want to survive anywhere but on campus...
GAH. I'm really beginning to HATE college.
     Rain; Yes, it rains in central PA. You should have realized that before moving here for college. The fall consists of rain, rain, rain, and slugs. [still not over that] Welcome to Penn State. So when it does rain, don't scream when the water hits you, and for the love of everything good in this world don't run like an asshole. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MELT. You are not sugar, you can walk. And don't stare at me when I'm just walking normally, you are the idiot in this situation. 
     So, since its raining out, and I feel miserable because I'm stupid, and I already ate my dinner [ate my feelings...that still aren't gone] I made myself some coffee. I'm actually really excited. My room is beginning to smell like it as I type this...[gets up, pours out cup of coffee, adds ton of stuff, takes sip, pauses, walks back over to computer...] Okay anyway, as I was saying...mmmmm coffee. I added a ton of creamer to make it sweet cause I still feel crummy. I normally only take mine with milk, but milk and dorm rooms don't get along too well...so anyway coffee=go.to.feel.good.drug.
[side note; my room also now smells like Chinese food since my roommate is eating leftovers...make of that as you will]
     and finally I guess Illness...there is a lot of it going around. And no i don't mean there is a cold going around campus. I'm talking terminal slash maybe terminal illnesses. A dear friend of mine is in the process of loosing her favorite grandmother to a long term battle with cancer, and another friend's boyfriend is sick with something I can't say let alone spell out.
     I am honestly not sure how to feel about these...the grandmother issue is heartbreaking, because she is a wonderful woman, and has loved her entire life. I lost my best friend/grandfather when I was six. I know how it feels to be without someone like that, but I don't remember how it felt when I realized he wasn't there anymore, let alone knowing that she is going to die...in a matter of weeks. I don't know how to help her, she is so far away, and has had so much shit in her life, and now her grandma is dying. It's sad, and I'll grieve for her,  and I can really only listen to what she has to vent about.
     On the other hand, the boyfriend(?)...I really don't know how to feel about that. He is a douche to her. He treats her like shit, and they are ALWAYS fighting. He even told her 'go fuck yourself, you stupid bitch, I can replace you in a minute' once. Over the phone. BIG MAN...that was the point where I wanted him out of her life. The only problem? She is convinced that she loves him, and they are planning on getting married after she finishes college.
     Shoot me now. I don't think I have ever wished anyone dead...(whom I knew personally anyway) and I don't wish [let's call him Joe] Joe dead. Never dead, just away from my friend so he can't hurt her anymore. I want him gone, so she can find someone who actually loves her, and who can give her the love and life she deserves. But now she is telling me that he is sick, which I knew, but apparently his mother said that if they don't find a cure, he won't live past 40...I honestly have no comment.
     I wish she could break up with him and not look like the ass for dumping a dying kid...but really? He is a prick, and he treats her like scum, but he's sick so she feels bad for him. I say Karma is a bitch. as Horrible as that is, and how much of a bad person that makes me, I'm pretty sure it's true.
     If this is true, and they don't find a cure, and they DO get married, she will be a widow at 40.Her situation is so similar to my aunt's current divorce that it scares me even more. She married a guy who I called my uncle for a good 16 years. And he treated her like dirt for the majority of that time. They always fought, and he wasn't great to the kids, and he was drunk and miserable to be around half the time. And yet she stayed with him for 16 years. He finally left after she had to kick him out, and now she is left with three kids, two in high school and the other in middle school, in a tiny house that she can barely afford because he refuses to pay child support, AND she just got laid off. [I know that didn't have anything to do with her lousy husband but it adds to the story]- anyway, this story scares me to death for fear of my friend. I can see her stuck with kids after they fight to a point where she FINALLY realizes that he is a scumbag and kicks him out...or the alternative he dies and leaves her with nothing but the shitty memories of fights and name calling and 7 kids. So getting back on the original topic, 'Joe' is sick, and I don't really care.
     I know I'm a bad person, someone who cries over slugs and dead frogs but doesn't care when a guy[prick] but still a person is sick...I already told you I have issues.
 Allons-y
-M

Munchies, Libraries, Majors and London.

Hello again,
     So I'm not too sure how to start these, I'm sure I'll figure that out as I go, so for the moment I'm going to jump right into things.
     Munchies; I can't stop eating. I'll eat lunch, and then I'll munch on goldfish for two hours! There has to be something wrong with me. Also I bought fruit today just so I could walk past the guy who I think I like(?). His name is...let's call him Ken, but we'll get to that later. Anyway I didn't even want the fruit, I have issues.
     Now that that is out of the way I can get to what I was 'mulling' over in class. We had a presentation on how to find scholarly sources in the library and online, and I couldn't think of anything but 'Why on Earth would you want to be a librarian...especially the resource one?' Honestly, how boring! Don't get me wrong I love libraries, I could spend hours in a good one...[not the one on campus-I hate this one- because they don't use any type of system!] But why would you want to go to school to learn how to source things for the rest of your life? I guess some people could say the same thing about me-"Why do you even like rocks? You're crazy!" "So you like rocks so you want to teach high school?" I get those a lot. But at least mine is interesting and I'll have human interaction. To each his own I suppose.
     A lot of people I know are freshman as 'undecided'.[see this transition! told you I'm working on it] Where as I declared my major when I applied to school. A friend of mine is undecided but leaning toward medical 'something'. She is going to shadow a veterinarian and see if that would be something she would be interested in. Which it is, she has loved anything and everything to do with animals since we were three. Her biggest 'concern' is having to see the hurt/dying animals. And as you know I cry over slugs, so I can't really say much. But she is strong, and any job has both pros and cons. She would make an amazing vet, she has a huge heart, and is smart when she applies herself.[That and if she does go into it, she will have to transfer to a school closer to me so I guess I'm bias.]
     And finally London; I would really love to go there one day. And that's all I have to say about that.
 Allons-y
-M


also: if you've never listened to Mumford and Sons, you must. Listen to the album 'Sigh No More', and once you know those songs by heart (you'll just want to listen to them that much), listen to the genius new album 'Babel'. His voice is like soul food and sex all at the same time. -Enjoy.

Texas, Slugs, Utah, and Anti-depressants.

     Okay so this is my first time doing this...I have a lot racing through my mind and my dear friend Micaela has inspired me...I can only hope what I write is half as good as hers.
     So let's start with a little about me shall we?:
I am a freshman Penn State University. I live away from home in the dorms, and I've found a decent niche...for now. The girls I am friends with really don't understand me, as if I was the sheltered one. When they don't know difference between 'New York' and 'Manhattan'. Okay. [Deep breath]
     Getting back on track, I'm a geek. As the preferred term. I love Harry Potter, Doctor Who and fan-fictions. I listen to good music* instead of the shit on the radios today...(please feel free to take offense to that). I am also depressed. I have been on medication since my junior year of high school. People don't understand what it really means. I've had too many people tell me that I don't need meds and to just be happy. Sorry, that's kind of the issue for me.
     So back to my title then?
Texas; Where my best friend is.- Like I said earlier, I live on campus. The girls I live with are a bit...shallow(?) We'll see if I can find a better word as we continue.
There is a lot of talk of how many guys they've slept with, and how much they want the iphone 5. But when it gets to the real topics such as 'I can't wait to go home' or 'This is the longest I've ever been away from my best friend...I miss him/her' I get sad. As corny as that sounds that's what it is. The best way for my to describe it is that; let's say you have a backpack full of bricks on your chest,  and when they throw those comments out there let's add fifty more bricks to the bag and let's chuck a good six at your head while we're at it and see how easy it is for you to breathe and sit up straight. It kills me that they don't know how lucky they are. They only live about three hours from their best friends when mine lives in a different time zone. (I have three best friends, but my #1 is whom I am referring too...we'll get to the others another time) I know this sounds like your typical 'awe my best friend moved' teeny bopper sob story of a movie, but in reality it's a lot more than that.
     I don't know if you believe in soul mates, but I do. I believe that we travel through each life with the same 'circle' of souls. They may not be the same people in each life, but you will always have that 'soul' near you one way or the other, not necessarily in a romantic way either-Britt-my Texas friend is one of my soul mates. Judge me of you want, but if you don't understand you haven't found any of your soul mates yet and I'm sorry for you. I found her. And she was literally taken away from me by a series of unfortunate events. [geek].
     Back on topic, -I promise I'll try to get better at this- My roommates don't know how much I envy them. I can't go home and see my best friend over the weekend. Any of them in fact. Which leads me to another topic; Utah. My other best friend, Micaela whom I mentioned earlier as well is in Utah. So Britt and Mici are both in different time zones and  the third best friend-Tara, lives in New Jersey.  I can't see any of them until either Christmas break (if I'm lucky) or Summer (Again if I'm lucky). SO it truly hurts when they say 'they've been away too long'. When I'm the one that cried the first time I skyped Mici, as I left Tara in NJ after my April visit (another story I promise)  and cried myself to sleep all of junior year because Britt left. I have no friends to go home to, and I have no solidly 'we get along swimmingly' friends in college. We'll see how this plays out...
     And finally what you've all been waiting for, Slugs;
I was walking back from the store with two of my roommates and they saw slugs on the ground due to the past rain. They ran inside and grabbed salt, and came back wanted to pour it on them. I protested, but they didn't listen to me. So one proceed to pour a ton of salt on 'Just a little one', and it went everywhere. They then watched as they slugs tried to get away from the salt and wriggled in pain. I saw this and started crying because there was nothing I could do. I can't stand to see anything helpless in pain. [I cry a lot] They sat there laughing as they squirmed and tried to get away from the pain and I felt sick to my stomach. I went into my room and shut the door, and decided to write this boring blog about why I feel sick in the lonely kind of way.
 Allons-y
-M
p.s.-Melvin is what Britt calls me, my real name is Melissa.





*Examples of Good quality music; The Beatles, Mumford and Sons, Kings of Leon, Ernie Halter, Bon Iver, Adele(granted she is on the radio, but it's not her best stuff), etc.