So as I was saying before, I'm fuming. I hate all of my classes, I have too much homework and not enough time or motivation. I've offically given up on school. But what is really bothering me at the moment is my friend. Let's call her...Sam.
So Sam and I have two classes together, twice a day, every other day, three times a week. I also work about 18 hours with her every week. I went on spring break with her, and nearly everything else in between. I'm fed up. She is the kind of person who I can only handle in small doses, and I've spent an entire semester with her. Not only do I see her too much, or hear of her petty money issues (When her mom is loaded), how work is so inconvenient for her (her first job ever), or even her complaining over her class load ( her four classes compared to my 6). NOW she has to start on Doctor Who.
You all know how much I live and breathe this show, it is my life, outlet, and obsession. And now, after a year of bashing it and ignoring everything I had to say about it, she suddenly LOVES it now, after one mother fucking episode. I could kill her. I seriously want to slap her. The only reason that she is all of the sudden watching it is because she hasn't been included in the conversations I have with one of our coworkers about it. She needs to be the center of attention, so she decided to watch it, and giggle about how she doesn't understand it, but she love love loves it now. Part of me wants to scream at her, and physically make her stop. And the other part of me just wants to stop talking to her all together.
I know this sounds dumb, petty and childish, but I don't care. She is killing me, Doctor Who was the only thing that was mine, and special. Everything else was all about her, and this was the only thing I had. And then I found out that my coworker is a fan as well, and that was great! Someone I can talk to about my thing. Without her encroaching in on it. Every time I have something, she includes herself. No matter what it is.
For example; my friend is pregnant,(call her Meg) and Sam knew Meg in high school, but Meg and I worked together for two years as well as had classes and such together. As soon as I told 'Sam' that Meg was 4 months pregnant, she was like "We're gonna be aunts!" No bitch, you are not going to be a mother fucking aunt. You know her by association, a friend of a friend. Who the hell are you? WE are not going to be anything to this baby, I might be a friend of the family, but you are not involved.
So, this is why she makes me crazy. Get over yourself, and get your own interests. STOP feeding off of mine, damn parasite.
Ending; this is a good thing. Classes are ending, summer is almost here, Sam is quiting work, and I get to see Britt and Mici soon! All I have to do it get through the next 18 days, and three tests, and I'm scott free. My classes are so shitty, I have no other word but 'shitty'.
Failure; I've given up on school, not life entirely...yet. School is stupid, and it just makes me want to cry and sleep and never wake up. I have lost my passion to become a teacher. I used to want to teach more than anything else in the world. Now, I don't care what I do, as long as I don't have to go to school anymore. I will be a secretary in some box office for all I care. As long as I'm making enough money for an apartment for one, and food. Other than that I don't give a shit. I think it's insane that I have to choose what I want to do for the rest of my life at the age of 19. I don't know what I want for dinner tonight, let alone what I want for the rest of my life. This major track makes me feel so claustrophobic and trapped. I feel like if I continue on this path, I will resent my job, my education, and my life. I am paying too much money for an education I don't want.
Possibilities; I had mentioned to my mother-more like broke down-about how much I hate classes and what my life has amounted to, to this point. She eventually asked if I had ever thought of taking a year off and doing some volunteer work, or travel of some sort. I told her all I think about it taking a year off. So I browsed the internet for anything that sounded interesting. And I came across a site where I can go to Ireland for a year, live with a family and nanny, and make a weekly wage. I can LIVE IN IRELAND FOR A YEAR! with weekends off! And holidays. and all I have to do is watch the kids, help with homework, and put them to bed! So I mentioned this to my mom, and she didn't say much, and walked away. and hasn't mentioned it since. I looked into it, and did some calculations and it will cost me around $1000 USD to get the work visa I need, the passport, and the flight over there. Then I did more calculations, this time on the amount of money I would make after a year there...and it was anywhere between $5000-6000 USD! nearly 6 times the initial cost!
I am going to keep bringing it up, and talk her into this, because this is what I want. I want to live, and experance life, an actual job with no school, and true Irish culture before I settle on a major and trap myself into a career. I know that if I don't do this, I will regret it forever.
Allons-y
-M
-M
