Stress, Rain, Coffee, and Illness.

Hello again,
Yes this is my second post today, I generally feel better once I finish a post, so here goes nothing.
     Stress; I am doing shitty in my classes. Like worse than senior 'I don't care I'm a senior' year bad. I have taken a total of three tests. In Psych 100, Bio 110, and Math 21. Psych I got a D, Math I actually failed, big fat F, and I took my Bio test today and now I'm horrified. I wish that the teachers went over things more than once before the tests...we have other classes you know. I know I know 'you're in college now blah blah blah' but seriously? I JUST got out of sissy high school, they went over one topic for a week, we were allowed calculators- in fact they were pissed when you forgot your calculator, and well no I actually did just as shitty in psych in high school...
This is not the transition I thought freshman year was going to be like. I'm eating too much, so much I'm pretty sure I've already gained my freshman 15, my classes are already below average, and this boy likes me to the point where it's awkward because I don't like him. I am running low on money, and need to find a job for next semester, if I want to survive anywhere but on campus...
GAH. I'm really beginning to HATE college.
     Rain; Yes, it rains in central PA. You should have realized that before moving here for college. The fall consists of rain, rain, rain, and slugs. [still not over that] Welcome to Penn State. So when it does rain, don't scream when the water hits you, and for the love of everything good in this world don't run like an asshole. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MELT. You are not sugar, you can walk. And don't stare at me when I'm just walking normally, you are the idiot in this situation. 
     So, since its raining out, and I feel miserable because I'm stupid, and I already ate my dinner [ate my feelings...that still aren't gone] I made myself some coffee. I'm actually really excited. My room is beginning to smell like it as I type this...[gets up, pours out cup of coffee, adds ton of stuff, takes sip, pauses, walks back over to computer...] Okay anyway, as I was saying...mmmmm coffee. I added a ton of creamer to make it sweet cause I still feel crummy. I normally only take mine with milk, but milk and dorm rooms don't get along too well...so anyway coffee=go.to.feel.good.drug.
[side note; my room also now smells like Chinese food since my roommate is eating leftovers...make of that as you will]
     and finally I guess Illness...there is a lot of it going around. And no i don't mean there is a cold going around campus. I'm talking terminal slash maybe terminal illnesses. A dear friend of mine is in the process of loosing her favorite grandmother to a long term battle with cancer, and another friend's boyfriend is sick with something I can't say let alone spell out.
     I am honestly not sure how to feel about these...the grandmother issue is heartbreaking, because she is a wonderful woman, and has loved her entire life. I lost my best friend/grandfather when I was six. I know how it feels to be without someone like that, but I don't remember how it felt when I realized he wasn't there anymore, let alone knowing that she is going to die...in a matter of weeks. I don't know how to help her, she is so far away, and has had so much shit in her life, and now her grandma is dying. It's sad, and I'll grieve for her,  and I can really only listen to what she has to vent about.
     On the other hand, the boyfriend(?)...I really don't know how to feel about that. He is a douche to her. He treats her like shit, and they are ALWAYS fighting. He even told her 'go fuck yourself, you stupid bitch, I can replace you in a minute' once. Over the phone. BIG MAN...that was the point where I wanted him out of her life. The only problem? She is convinced that she loves him, and they are planning on getting married after she finishes college.
     Shoot me now. I don't think I have ever wished anyone dead...(whom I knew personally anyway) and I don't wish [let's call him Joe] Joe dead. Never dead, just away from my friend so he can't hurt her anymore. I want him gone, so she can find someone who actually loves her, and who can give her the love and life she deserves. But now she is telling me that he is sick, which I knew, but apparently his mother said that if they don't find a cure, he won't live past 40...I honestly have no comment.
     I wish she could break up with him and not look like the ass for dumping a dying kid...but really? He is a prick, and he treats her like scum, but he's sick so she feels bad for him. I say Karma is a bitch. as Horrible as that is, and how much of a bad person that makes me, I'm pretty sure it's true.
     If this is true, and they don't find a cure, and they DO get married, she will be a widow at 40.Her situation is so similar to my aunt's current divorce that it scares me even more. She married a guy who I called my uncle for a good 16 years. And he treated her like dirt for the majority of that time. They always fought, and he wasn't great to the kids, and he was drunk and miserable to be around half the time. And yet she stayed with him for 16 years. He finally left after she had to kick him out, and now she is left with three kids, two in high school and the other in middle school, in a tiny house that she can barely afford because he refuses to pay child support, AND she just got laid off. [I know that didn't have anything to do with her lousy husband but it adds to the story]- anyway, this story scares me to death for fear of my friend. I can see her stuck with kids after they fight to a point where she FINALLY realizes that he is a scumbag and kicks him out...or the alternative he dies and leaves her with nothing but the shitty memories of fights and name calling and 7 kids. So getting back on the original topic, 'Joe' is sick, and I don't really care.
     I know I'm a bad person, someone who cries over slugs and dead frogs but doesn't care when a guy[prick] but still a person is sick...I already told you I have issues.
 Allons-y
-M